All about the money

All about the money

It’s amazing how often finances become a source of stress in marriages. Sometimes, it’s because there just isn’t enough money to pay the bills and sometimes it’s because one partner makes more money than the other. Sometimes it’s perceived spending habits and sometimes it’s just plain irresponsibility. However, other times, it’s because one partner wants to control the money and shuts the other partner out of all things having to do with finances. He or she begins opening one credit card to pay for another and hiding debt rather than talking about financial concerns. When asked about finances, the controlling partner deflects by launching a verbal assault designed to discourage asking any questions in the future. “Why don’t you trust me?” “All you care about is money!” “Why are you looking at the bank statements?” The asking partner learns quickly that any attempts to discuss finances will be met with extreme negativity, defensiveness, and aggression. Eventually the questions stop because who wants to fight all the time? And then things are fine, until they’re not. Watch out for people who demand to be in control and become belligerent when challenged.

People have different ideas about what to share with regard to finances in marriage. Some believe in sharing everything and others feel maintaining separate accounts is the way to go. My personal belief is that finances should be shared. I believe this because transparency is good for building trust, and trust is good for relationships. What do you think?

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